I am so terrified of going to the doctors, the thought sends me into sheer panic. I feel nausious a lot of the time (much worse through the night) but it calms during the day when I eat. What I pass didn't seem like half as much as I should pass, and I'm so so anxious about it. I don't seem to feel the need to go, I make myself. Now as I'm straining to go, my poo is very thin, like my little finger width. This has gone on a few months now, and while I haven't seen anymore blood at all (in fact I don't know if what I saw first was blood) the more I force myself to go the more mucus there is. (This sound so so stupid when I'm writing it down) I would go to the toilet multiple times a day and force myself to dedicate so I could examine it for blood. Which I did, but during this time I became obsessive about bowel cancer. They didn't seem to bothered but said if it happened again, come back for a rectal exam. They insisted on seeing me, I went in and explained. One day I looked into the toilet bowl and thought I saw blood. First it was breast cancer, and then when I failed to put any weight back on I thought bowel cancer. Recently I have been suffering with awful anxiety and lost some weight, while thinking about it, I freaked myself out that I lost weight due to some under lying disease. I know it sounds gross, but it's a hard habit to break. I would use my fingers and tissue to stimulate my bowel to open.

For years I have been making myself poo, since I was about 13 I think. I want to explain myself a bit more in hoping that someone might be able to reassure me. Sorry for the jumbled message before I was in the midst of a panic attack. Just wrote a massive reply and deleted it by accident.

Pencil thin stool pictures